She Was Almost There
by FallenOutTheWindow
Summary: "Not fair? That's not fair to you? You want to know what's not fair, Jem? What's not fair is having your best friend leave you without even saying goodbye. What's not fair is the way that everyone treats me like I'm a broken bloody toy. Not fair is not knowin' if someone is real or not and not havin' the words to ask them!"


**A/N: So, like everyone else in the fandom I was broken by the revelation that Simmons wasn't real and my mind ran away from me... Before I knew it, I was writing again. **

**Hope you enjoy this one and that it doesn't get too confusing... **

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><p>Pacing from one end of the lab to the other, Fitz kept snapping at Simmons who was hovering over his shoulder, watching him closely.<p>

"Simmons, jus' give it a rest, I'm… I'm, I, what's the word?"

"Fine," Simmons supplied without hesitation, smiling sweetly.

"Yes, I'm fine now jus' back off, will you?" Fitz shouted, not looking directly at his partner.

"I'm only trying to help you, you just have to calm down and-"

"An' be patient, I know. You keep tellin' me to be patient but I don't want to, I jus' want to be, um.. I want to be, be…"

"Normal," Simmons finished, moving to stand behind Fitz, lifting one hand to cover his right shoulder, "And you're getting there. You're almost there."

"Yeah," Fitz's sighed, raising his own hand to cover his partners, thumb brushing across her knuckles, "I'm almost there." Closing his eyes, Fitz let the background noise of the labs fade away, all the stress and the other scientists milling around meant nothing to him, all that mattered to him was the weight of the hand on his shoulder and Simmons whispering words of encouragement behind him.

Unsure of how long had passed, Fitz was startled back into action at the sound of incessant beeping from a machine on the far left wall. May had brought back some samples that had needed testing and despite his lack of familiarity with organic matter the engineer had tried his best to put it through the usual battery of tests. Pulling up the readout from the machine, Fitz cocked his head, squinting at the word, unable to make either head or tails from the words before him.

"What the hell?" he whispered softly, feeling more than seeing Simmons moving to hover behind him. Looking to his best friend for help, Fitz tried pushing the result into her hands only for Simmons to step back shaking her head. I just need you to look at it. You were running the scans, I don't understand this Simmons. I, I what does this mean?"

"Fitz, I don't know either," Simmons sighed, ponytail waving slightly as she shook her head. "You know that I don't know what it means."

"Simmons, I-"

"Fitz?" Her voice came from the door while Simmons stood before him, mouth unmoving. "Fitz, what are you doing?"

Turning slowly, not wanting to take his eyes off of the woman in front of him, Fitz looked up to see a face oh so familiar and yet foreign to him at the same time. There, standing in the doorway to his lab was Jemma Simmons.

Her hair was shorter than the woman who had been his partner for the past several months but there was no mistaking that Jemma had returned, cocking her head at him when he didn't reply.

"I, um," unable to think of anything to say, Fitz found himself speechless, head twisting back around to see Simmons standing behind him.

"I'm sorry," Simmons whispered, pulling at the hem of her jumper, head turned down.

"It's okay," Fitz whispered to the woman before him, knowing that Jemma stood behind him watching the exchange, "Jus' help me for this one?"

"Help you with what?" Jemma asked, drawing Fitz's attention away from the scientist standing before him.

"With this. You're, you're not gone you're, um, you're…" Fitz trailed off, fingers clicking as he brought his hand to his head.

"She's here," Simmons supplied, moving closer to rest her hand on his shoulder, providing a small measure of comfort to the engineer as Jemma stood before him, visibly restraining herself from interrupting him.

"You're here," Fitz sighed, his own hand coming up to cover Simmons' out of habit.

"Yes Fitz, I'm here. How are you?" Jemma asked, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Good, I've been busy workin' on things here while you were, you were… Were-"

"Gone, I know and I'm sorry. They told me you haven't been doing too well," Jemma sighed gesturing towards the door.

"Of course they did, can't keep their bloody noses out, that lot. I'm fine, okay? I'm absolutely fine, I'm the king of fine so will everyone jus' back off!" Fitz yelled, throwing his hands up.

"No you're not," her voice whispered. Turning around Fitz saw that it was the Simmons who had stayed with him all that time who had spoken. "You're not fine, Fitz, and we both know that."

"But I am, when you're here I'm fine," Fitz reasoned, shaking in place slightly.

"Fitz, you can't keep doing this," Simmons sighed, "Please, you're almost there, remember?"

"I don't want to be there, I want to be here. You're here and I'm fine and-"

"How long have you been hallucinating?" Jemma asked bluntly, interrupting the engineer.

"I, I can't, I."

"Fitz, it's okay, you're going to be okay," Simmons reassured him, standing tall, smiling at him.

"Since you left," Fitz answered, not taking his eyes off of the Simmons standing in front of him.

"And you didn't tell anyone? No one tried helping you?" Jemma hissed in shock at how badly her friend had been treated in her absence.

"I didn't want their help," brow furrowed, his eyes still flickering across Simmons' face, Fitz braced himself for his next words, "I know she's not real."

"She?"

"Yeah, she. You're not real, are you?" Fitz asked the Simmons that stood before him, the Simmons that had stood beside him for months, already knowing what her answer would be. "You've never been real, have you?"

"Fitz, you know that I'm not real," Simmons sighed, eyes filling with tears, mirroring Fitz's own.

Turning around, not wanting to stare at the hallucination of his best friend, Fitz faced Jemma, taking in her shorted hair and her t-shirt, noticing the goose bumps that had erupted across her forearms. The Jemma that stood before him, hesitant in the doorway, was not the same Jemma that he knew, wasn't the same Jemma that had been beside him at every stumble and false-start for the past three months.

"Why're you here?" Fitz asked without preamble.

"I wanted to see you," Jemma whispered, almost ashamed of her answer, "I missed you."

"Ha, you've got a great way of showing it," laughing as he walked away, Fitz went to sit down at his work bench, picking up spare parts and playing with them in an effort to stop his shaking hands.

"They told me you'd been acting strangely; I was worried about you Fitz!" Jemma shot back, "I came back to you as soon as I could-"

"For how long?" Fitz hissed, slamming his hands down on the table, trying hard not to look over at the hallucination of Simmons and her shaking head.

"That's not fair," Jemma started, moving further into the room.

"_Not fair_? That's not fair to you? You want to know what's not fair, Jem? What's not fair is having your best friend leave you without even saying goodbye. What's not fair is the way that everyone treats me like I'm a broken bloody toy. Not fair is not knowin' if someone is real or not and not havin' the words to ask them!"

"I'm sorry about that but you can't blame me for this, this breakdown," Jemma yelled, unable to find a more fitting word for Fitz's hallucinations.

"_I can't blame you_?"

"No."

"You left me!" Fitz roared; face going red and tears brimming in his eyes. "I was broken an' you jus', you jus' left me an' I needed you Jemma. I needed you with me an' now... She doesn't leave me, she doesn't think I'm broken, doesn't run away-"

"She's not real Fitz."

"But she was there," Fitz sighed, hanging his head, his left hand slowly rising to grasp his right shoulder.

"Fitz, I- you refused to fail, you'd get so angry at everything and wouldn't let me help you. I didn't care that you needed help or that you'd forgotten things, I wanted to help you but you pushed me away. You were just so angry and I felt so guilty about all of this; you wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for me. I didn't leave because I didn't care, I left because I cared too much, " Jemma finished, not bothered by the tears dripping off her chin, her initial anger subsiding. "I had to leave; it wasn't healthy for me to stay, for either of us. But look at you, your motor skills, your speech, you're almost-"

"There," Fitz whispered, halting Jemma's sentence. "I'm almos' there, tha's what she kept tellin' me."

"You are Fitz. You keep telling yourself that, you know it so why do you need to hold on to this hallucination. That's all she is," Jemma sighed, moving closer and trying not to let it show how much it affected her when the engineer before her flinched away.

"She's you," Fitz whispered, barely loud enough for Jemma to hear. "She, the woman that I keep talkin' to, the one that you think I'm crazy for seein', well, she's you. Old you. She's Simmons still."

"Fitz, I'm still Simmons, that's not changed-"

"Yes it has. You're Jemma, not Simmons. Not anymore. Dammit, Jem I-I, I, what's the word?" He hissed, looking over to his left, "I _cared _about you. You were my best friend an' I was fine with that an' then you changed it all. You nearly died an' I couldn't, I couldn't, I…"

"Couldn't what, Fitz?"

"I couldn't lose you. You were more than jus' a friend but now you're gone an' Simmons is here still and she's my friend and-"

"Fitz, please. Stop this, this isn't healthy for you," Jemma begged, moving closer.

"I can't though, I can't, can't… I can't," stumbling over his words, Fitz began clicking his fingers, bringing them close to his temple, closing his eyes.

"Breathe, Fitz," moving closer, placing a hand on either shoulder, Jemma forced the engineer to face her, "Just breathe and start the sentence again. 'You can't because…'?"

"I can't lose both of you," Fitz whispered, looking up and for the first time, only seeing one version of his best friend. "I was mad an' angry at you an' I needed someone. Simmons was the only one who didn't pretend I was... broken," Fitz finished, pausing slightly towards the end, struggling to find the right word.

"Fitz, look at me, look at me," Jemma repeated, tilting Fitz's head up so that his eyes would meet hers, "You are not now, nor have you ever been, broken. You are incredible and brave and I shouldn't have left you and I'm sorry but look at us. You're Fitz and I'm Simmons and I," sharply breathing in, Jemma let her hand fall from Fitz's chin to ghost down the sleeves of his cardigan. "When you were in that hospital bed, before you woke up, I didn't think I'd be able to _be_ just Simmons. You've been so much a part of everything I've done that you became a part of me; I didn't think I could live without you but I can. We can."

"Jemma, I-"

"Let me finish? I like being just Simmons, but I like being Jemma too, if that makes sense," Jemma trailed off, eyes burning with tears that had been held back.

"Not really."

"I liked being Fitzsimmons but I liked being Simmons more, I like being one person for the first time in as long as I can remember. I know that you need time to recover and that maybe you won't be able to forgive me but do you think we could try? I understand if I can't be your best friend any more but can I at least be a friend?" Jemma whispered, holding her breath as she awaited his response.

"I don't know," Fitz whispered truthfully, looking around the room, catching sight of Simmons standing by his work station, smiling and picking at the hem of her sweater.

"I'm not leaving again," Jemma sighed, reaching out to place her hand on Fitz's shoulder, an action that was as familiar as breathing to him by now.

Lifting his own hand up to cover Jemma's Fitz tore his eyes away from the hallucination of his best friend, knowing that the next time he searched for her she wouldn't be there.

"We can fix this," Jemma smiled, recalling his own words, "Together."

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><p><strong>AN2: Okay, while I'm annoyed that Fitz has been left alone to deal with everything I also believe that Jemma deserves her independence so while both of the precious science babies are idiots, I refuse to be mad at one of them because of the other. **

**I also believe that Fitz is somewhat aware that the Simmons he's been hanging out with for the past few months is a hallucination but just doesn't want to admit that she's not real because that would mean admit Jemma left him. **

**Please let me know what you though of this, I love hearing your thoughts and reactions to my stories. **

**Until next time... **


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